Christine Gallagher: 7 Ways Sex Can Kill a Marriage

Can sex kill a marriage? Absolutely. Problems in the bedroom can lead to deep dissatisfaction. A marital sex problem is like a canary in a coal mine -- a warning alarm that danger lies ahead.

Here are 7 ways sex can kill a marriage:

1. One spouse controls the frequency of sex: Married couples vary considerably in terms of how much sex they have or don't have. While studies report that married people on average have sex seven times a month, there is no magic formula that couples can follow to ensure a happy sex life. The crucial point is that both partners have to feel good about how much sex they are having and how much control they have over their sex life. If one person takes charge of when and how sex happens, relationship killers like dissatisfaction, resentment and anger can emerge.

2. Spouses withhold sex: This can be an insidious problem, particularly if sex is used as a weapon to punish one another. It's particularly toxic if an unresolved grievance from the past is offered up as the reason for the withholding of sex. Once one partner ends up sleeping on the couch instead of the marital bed, the end is probably near. Another insidious problem is using sex as a "treat" to reward the partner for good behavior -- a training method that is better suited for household pets!

3. The marriage becomes sexless. Marriages where sex never or very rarely occurs is an issue that has gained more attention in recent years. Studies estimate that a whopping 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year. In some cases, this can be an indication that the marriage has died and the couple has decided to stay together for other reasons like money, children or health insurance. In other cases, the marriage may have morphed into a platonic relationship. An sexless marriage becomes a problem if one person is unhappy with the situation and yearns for a sexual connection with a partner.

In some marriages, a breakdown in the sexual relationship may be an indicator of deeper problems in the relationship such as lack of trust, intimacy, resentment, anger. One or both people may be suffering from depression. These are issues that can be worked on in therapy, if both people are willing to do the work. A lack of interest in sex can also be a symptom of a medical or aging issue. Some people maintain an active sex drive till the end of their lives. Others lose their drive as they advance in years. The health of a relationship between older partners will be based on whether both are equally content with their sex lives.

4. Spouses are too busy or too tired for sex. This issue frequently rears its head when a couple has a busy family life or if one or both partners has a demanding job. Not having time for sex can be a problem if it becomes a way of life and the couple loses their closeness and intimacy. Planning regular date nights is something commonly advised for couples who don't have enough one-on-one time. The downside is that scheduling sex tends to preclude spontaneity. Balancing scheduling with occasional spontaneity might be the best formula for success.

5. Spouses have differing attitudes about porn. A lot of people look at porn, including men and women with healthy sex lives. Porn can become a problem if one partner doesn't like the other watching porn, particularly if it's perceived as a replacement for sex with the partner. As with other sexual problems, porn addiction can be an indicator of an emotional disconnect between a couple. If the porn becomes a hidden addiction consumed in private, there may be underlying issues that require help from a professional in addition to compromise between the partners.

6. A spouse dislikes sex with their partner. A surprising number of married people I have talked to speak openly of not enjoying sex with their partners anymore. In some marriages, rediscovering a satisfying sex life can involve communicating what does and doesn't feel good, asking for sexual acts that are not being given, or asking for more variety if it's become too predictable or repetitive. Here's an exercise I recommend: one person is the passive recipient of sexual attention and can ask the other for anything they desire. The person giving expects nothing in return. Next time the roles switch. Through this, partners are able to ask for things they may have a problem vocalizing, and the other person learns a lot about what their partner really enjoys.

7. A spouse cheats. This is the most obvious marriage killer. The positive side of cheating is that it can sometimes serve to revive a relationship; it's an opportunity to bring up what is lacking in the relationship and propel a couple into a renewed and better union -- though it's a painful way to get there.

Sexual satisfaction in all its forms is a vital part of a healthy marriage -- though of course it's not the whole picture. I once heard a therapist describe a good marriage as being like a three legged stool: one leg is emotional connection, one is mental connection, and the other is sexual connection. If one leg is missing, the stool collapses.

Did sex play a part in your marriage floundering? Please take this opportunity to share your story below. Don't hold back!

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Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-gallagher/7-ways-sex-can-kill-a-mar_b_2506541.html

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Police: Suicide bombing at US Embassy, 2 dead

ANKARA, Turkey (AP) ? A suspected suicide bomber detonated an explosive device at the entrance of the U.S. Embassy in the Turkish capital on Friday, killing himself and one other person, officials said.

U.S. Ambassador Francis Ricciardione told reporters that a guard at the gate was killed in the 1:15 p.m. blast, and a Turkish citizen was wounded.

The bomb appeared to have exploded inside the security checkpoint at the side entrance of the embassy, but did not do damage inside the embassy itself. Footage showed that the door had been blown off its hinges and debris littered the ground and across the road. An Associated Press journalist saw a body in the street in front of an embassy side entrance.

Police swarmed the area and several ambulances were dispatched. An AP journalist saw one woman who appeared to be seriously injured being carried into an ambulance.

The police official, who spoke on condition of anonymity in line with government rules, said police had examined security cameras around the embassy and had identified two people who could have been the suicide bomber.

The embassy building is heavily protected. It is near an area where several other embassies are located, including that of Germany and France. Police sealed off the area and journalists were being kept away.

The phones were not being answered at the embassy. In a statement, it thanked Turkey for "its solidarity and outrage over the incident."

There was no claim of responsibility, but Kurdish rebels and Islamic militants are active in Turkey. Kurdish rebels, who are fighting for autonomy in the Kurdish-dominated southeast, have dramatically stepped up attacks in Turkey over the last year.

As well, homegrown Islamic militants tied to al-Qaida have carried out suicide bombings in Istanbul. In a 2003 attack on the British consulate, a suspected Islamic militant rammed an explosive-laden pickup truck into the main gate, killing 58, including the British consul-general.

In 2008, an attack blamed on al-Qaida-affiliated militants outside the U.S. Consulate in Istanbul left three assailants and three policemen dead.

Turkey has become a harsh critic of the regime in Syria, where a vicious civil war has left at least 60,000 people dead. The first of six Patriot missile batteries being deployed to Turkey to protect against attack from Syria was declared operational and placed under NATO command on Saturday and others were expected to be operational in the coming days.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/police-suicide-bombing-us-embassy-2-dead-120006594.html

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A positive family climate in adolescence is linked to marriage quality in adulthood

Jan. 31, 2013 ? Experiencing a positive family climate as a teenager may be connected to your relationships later in life, according to new research published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.

While research has demonstrated long-term effects of aggression and divorce across generations, the impact of a positive family climate has received less attention. Psychological scientist Robert Ackerman of the University of Texas at Dallas and colleagues wanted to examine whether positive interpersonal behaviors in families might also have long-lasting associations with future relationships.

The researchers examined longitudinal data from individuals participating in the Iowa Youth and Families Project. Family interactions were assessed when the participants were in 7th grade. The interactions were coded for five indicators of positive engagement: listener responsiveness, assertiveness, prosocial behavior, effective communication, and warmth-support.

Participants who showed and experienced more positive engagement in their families showed more positive engagement in their marriages 17 years later. Interestingly, their spouses also showed more positive engagement. Participants who came from families that expressed more positive engagement also expressed less hostility toward their spouses, and their spouses displayed less hostile behavior toward them.

Greater levels of positive engagement at the family level in adolescence also predicted more relationship satisfaction for both partners.

At a basic level, the findings suggest a link between the family climate in adolescence and marriage quality later in life. The fact that these effects seemed to extend to participants' spouses was especially interesting.

"Perhaps one of the most striking results from this work was that the quality of one marital partner's family climate during adolescence was associated with marital outcomes for the other partner," the researchers observe.

Family dynamics could foster a supportive style of interacting that elicits similar behavior from a spouse down the road; but it could also be that individuals who grew up in families with a positive and warm climate actively seek out partners who provide a similar relationship environment. The researchers speculate that both mechanisms may be at work.

Ultimately, these results are consistent with the Development of Early Adult Romantic Relationships (DEARR) model, suggesting that early family experiences are linked to the development of a person's relationship style into adulthood.

Co-authors on the study include Deborah A. Kashy and M. Brent Donnellan of Michigan State University, Tricia Neppl and Fredrick O. Lorenz of Iowa State University, and Rand D. Conger of the University of California, Davis.

The analyses reported here were supported by Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development Grant HD064687.

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The above story is reprinted from materials provided by Association for Psychological Science.

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Journal Reference:

1. R. A. Ackerman, D. A. Kashy, M. B. Donnellan, T. Neppl, F. O. Lorenz, R. D. Conger. The Interpersonal Legacy of a Positive Family Climate in Adolescence. Psychological Science, 2013; DOI: 10.1177/0956797612447818

Note: If no author is given, the source is cited instead.

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of ScienceDaily or its staff.

Source: http://feeds.sciencedaily.com/~r/sciencedaily/top_news/top_health/~3/EXlw3ZKXKOw/130131120910.htm

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New device traps particulates, kills airborne pathogens

Jan. 31, 2013 ? A new device called a soft X-ray electrostatic precipitator protected immunocompromised mice from airborne pathogenic bacteria, viruses, ultrafine particles, and allergens, according to a paper published online ahead of print in the journal Applied and Environmental Microbiology. This device, known for short as a SXC ESP, is highly versatile, with multiple potential uses, and Washington University is working on licensing the technology.

"Small particles are difficult to remove, and our device overcomes that barrier," says Pratim Biswas of Washington University, St. Louis. The device not only captures particles with a high level of efficiency that has never before been achieved; it also inactivates them. Even bioterror agents are blocked and completely inactivated, says Biswas.

The range of potential uses includes indoor protection of susceptible populations, such as people with respiratory illness or inhalation-induced allergies, and young children; protection of buildings from bio-terror attack; protection of individuals in hospital surgical theaters, for example, during open organ surgery; protection in clean rooms for semiconductor fabrication; removal of ultrafine particles in power plants; and capture of diesel exhaust particulates, says Biswas.

The device could be used in homes, with a cost similar to that of high efficiency air cleaners, says Biswas. "But it would be much easier to operate, and much more effective," he adds. It could be added into stand-alone indoor air cleaners, or incorporated into HVAC systems in homes, offices, and even in aircraft cabins. In the study, the device exceeded standards for high efficiency articulate air filters, which must be capable of removing particles larger than 0.3 micrometers with 99.97 percent efficiency.

The SXC ESP works by placing a charge on the particles -- "which it does very effectively," says Biswas -- and then using an electrical field to trap the particles. The SXC unit then also completely inactivates biological particles, by irradiating them, and photoionizing them -- as UV light does, only more energetically.

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The above story is reprinted from materials provided by American Society for Microbiology.

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Journal Reference:

1. E. M. Kettleson, J. M. Schriewer, R. M. L. Buller, P. Biswas. Soft X-ray Enhanced Electrostatic Precipitation for Protection against Inhalable Allergens, Ultrafine Particles, and Microbial Infections. Applied and Environmental Microbiology, 2012; DOI: 10.1128/AEM.02897-12

Note: If no author is given, the source is cited instead.

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of ScienceDaily or its staff.

Source: http://feeds.sciencedaily.com/~r/sciencedaily/top_news/top_health/~3/NhdIUec9Yf8/130131154414.htm

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Syria and Iran threaten retaliation against Israel

BEIRUT (AP) ? Syria and Iran have threatened to retaliate for an Israeli air raid near the capital Damascus.

Syrian Ambassador to Lebanon Ali Abdul-Karim Ali says Damascus has "the option and the surprise to retaliate." He said he cannot predict when the retaliation will be, saying it is up to relevant authorities to prepare for it.

In Iran, the semi-official Fars news agency quoted Deputy Foreign Minister Hossein Amir Abdollahian on Thursday as saying the raid on Syria will have significant implications for the Israeli city of Tel Aviv.

U.S. officials said Israel launched a rare airstrike inside Syria on Wednesday, targeting a convoy believed to contain anti-aircraft weapons bound for Hezbollah. The Syrian military denied the existence of any such shipment and said a scientific research facility outside Damascus was hit.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/syria-iran-threaten-retaliation-against-israel-130930017.html

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Canada's Flaherty reveals skin disease, explains bloating

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian Finance Minister Jim Flaherty said that steroids he is taking for a rare skin disease has made him appear to be bloated, though the problem is not preventing him from doing his job, according to an interview published on Thursday.

"Of late I've been getting too many questions about my appearance and the weight gain," he told the Globe and Mail.

He said the disease is pemphigoid and is being treated with the steroid prednisone.

Flaherty informed Prime Minister Stephen Harper about the health issue, telling him it was a passing thing that did not affect his ability to do his job, the minister told the newspaper.

(Reporting by Randall Palmer; Editing by Philip Barbara)

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/canadas-flaherty-reveals-skin-disease-explains-bloating-124457166--business.html

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Israeli Warplanes Bombed Military Site Near Damascus, Claims ...

View of Damascus, Syria from mount Qassioun

Written by VOR

January 30, 2013

Israeli warplanes attacked a military research center in Damascus province at dawn on Wednesday, Syria?s military command said, denying reports that the planes had struck a convoy carrying weapons from Syria to Lebanon.

Two people were killed and five wounded in the attack on the site in Jamraya, which it described as one of a number of ?scientific research centers aimed at raising the level of resistance and self-defense?.

The building was destroyed, the military command said in a statement carried by state media.

It said the planes crossed into Syria below the radar level, just north of Mount Hermon, and returned the same way.

Sources told Reuters earlier that Israeli jets had bombed a convoy on Syria?s border with Lebanon on Wednesday, apparently targeting weapons destined for Hezbollah.

Source: http://www.albanytribune.com/30012013-israeli-warplanes-bombed-military-site-near-damascus-claims-syrian-state-news-agency/

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